sometimes... i find myself afraid... afraid to move.  afraid of the unknown.  afraid of change.  fear can definitely handicap you... and keep you from God's best.  fear can make me sick to my stomach... it keeps me awake at night.

why do i doubt?  why do i fear?  He reminds us... over and over again that He is there.  that He knows the next steps.  that He knows how situations will end up.  

i guess, dwindled down, HE IS IN CONTROL.  

it seems so elementary... so simple.  but when it comes down to day by day... it seems so complex.  

i remember a scene from FINDING NEMO where that annoying Dory says over and over again to nemo's dad, "just keep swimming.  just keep swimming."

i need to remember to keep swimming... even when i fear.

well... i keep waiting for life to slow down... but it doesn't.  i just counted.  i have photographed over 16 weddings thus far this 2008 year... and have also assisted and been a 2nd photographer for an additional 10 weddings.  geez.  i will have photographed at 50 weddings this year.  wow.  how about that experience.  can you believe how God plans each step.  i would have never imagined that my life would have brought me to this point.  being a wedding photographer.  crazy.  God has better things in store than we could even imagine.  i'm glad He is in control.

on another note... after living in our beautiful apartment for 14 months... i have now decided that i am going to paint my room!  asparagus green!  wow.... its going to look fabulous!  it has been awhile since i've painted.  i think the last thing i painted was the master's commission plex.  ha.  the good old days.

thanks to ryan roark... my apartment girls and i are all obsessed with the office.  seriously... its hilarious.  it makes me laugh so hard.  we are trying to get all caught up for the new season that starts the end of this season.  my favorite part is all of the things that jim does to dwight.  :)

between episodes of the office... i am trying to become a reader.  pastor betzer mentioned how reading is so great... and how he reads 3 books a week.  i'm going to start with 1 book.... and see how it goes.  cheryl got me started reading on BLACK by Ted Dekker.  so far so good.  kind of strange... kind of interesting.  i feel like i have to re-learn how to read again... b/c it has been a while since i've just read.  we'll see if i can become a reader!  i'm determined!